Youth groups are not void of people with a mental illness. If anything, statistics show that at least 14% of all young people will experience some mental health problem each year (Headspace). I believe that as youth leaders, God has given us a responsibility to not just care for kids who have it all together or who have great coping skills, but for those who find it extra hard to cope, or need that extra bit of encouragement and support. I believe that as youth leaders, we can do a better job and can better inform ourselves to assist teenagers in our youth groups who have mental health issues. You may have your own view of how mental illness fits in with spirituality, but these kids are facing some sort of difficulty and will look to you to support them and walk with them.
There exists a HUGE opportunity to show young people what God's grace looks like in the midst of suffering, but all too often we as youth leaders exchange it for the simple and ineffective "Just pray about it." I have sat with many young people for whom this strategy is often received with grace but is starkly missing the mark of what the young person is truly crying out for.
There exists a HUGE opportunity to show young people what God's grace looks like in the midst of suffering, but all too often we as youth leaders exchange it for the simple and ineffective "Just pray about it." I have sat with many young people for whom this strategy is often received with grace but is starkly missing the mark of what the young person is truly crying out for.
As a probationary psychologist with a lot of interest in young people and a heart that longs to follow Jesus and represent him well, I've come up with 10 tips for youth pastors/leaders when it comes to mentoring and being in relationships with teenagers with a mental illness.
1.
Do not try to be the young
person’s Saviour. You can’t be. Be as clear as you can with the young person about the fact that you are human, you make mistakes, you have some of your own
struggles and that means that you can only help them so much. You will probably let them down at one stage or another, so you can't be their Saviour. Don't even try. Point them to Jesus
as the one who will never fail them and the one that they can trust in and look
to at any time, over and above you.
2.
Find out about the mental
illness that the young person is experiencing. Google it, or ten times better,
search for a factsheet from the APS or APA. Find out what the symptoms are, how
people experience the disorder/difficulty, and recognise the tendencies or
behaviours associated with it. Whether it's depression, anxiety, bipolar or aspergers, there are so many resources out there that may help you to understand what the young person is experiencing.
3.
Do not limit God by saying that
mental illness isn’t something God can’t heal. Also, do not downplay the role
of good quality psychotherapy for a young person’s mental health. God can heal
anything. Sometimes he heals us by showing us where we have been deceived in
the ways that we think. Don’t fall for the lie that psychology is a bad thing.
Sure, there are some bad psychologists out there, but there are also some
really good ones who can provide help. Psychologists are generally fantastic at
helping us to look at our thinking and see how that impacts our behaviour. They
can also really help us to process things that have happened in our lives. Your
pastors should have lists of Christian psychologists or counsellors that you
can recommend if you need to. God can heal, but often the healing of our minds is something that God does beautifully over a period of time.
4.
Be genuine. Do not be fake with your young
person. They will see straight through it. The thing that young people will
appreciate most is genuine, real and authentic care, not fake, fast and
‘fixing’ care. They don’t want to be “fixed” by you, they just want to be
loved, listened to and cared for. Share your story with them, be vulnerable and
show them what walking with Jesus looks like, even through the darkest of
places. If you’re considering just saying “pray, it’ll be ok”, think about
whether prayer + psychological help or a practical form of support is
necessary.
5.
Be in contact with the child’s
parents. Find out about how they are coping and how they would like you to support them
and their child. Get on board with their care plan if they have one. Acknowledge the hard work of the parents and validate their
efforts to care for their child. It’s tough for you, but it’s tougher for them!
6. Learn not to take things personally. If you recognise a behaviour
that is a symptom of the mental illness and it hurts you or seems like an
attack on you (eg. they ignore you or speak harshly to you), recognise it for
what it is, and attribute it to the deceptive thinking this person is
experiencing. They may not recognise it, and their thinking will generally be
very egocentric (young people are typically very self-centered, expect it), but try
not to take it personally. Direct your anxiety or anger into prayer, and
remember that your task is to love the young person and point them to Jesus.
7.
Make sure you’re caring for
yourself. Have your own mentor and make sure you debrief about anything you
need to. Find the activities that are fun and relaxing for you and take the
time to do them! Spend time on your own with God. He’s the reason why we put in
all the effort that we do, and he gives us the grace to keep serving him.
Always come back to his word and be refreshed by it. Jesus took time out to be
alone with his Father, so we should too.
8.
Don’t be afraid to challenge
the young person. You don’t need to be harsh or reveal exactly what you’re thinking,
but if you see irrationality in the way that they are thinking or behaving,
gently reframe the situation in an attempt to show them a different way of
thinking. Give them options in thinking. They don’t have to choose negativity,
and they don’t have to choose what is habitual to them. What you need to do is
give them options and set an example of healthy, Godly thinking.
9. "Positive Thinking" is an inefficient strategy. Although generic “positivity” can be good, it does not compare with trusting in God wholeheartedly. After all, not every situation in life should be thought about positively, but rather, realistically. We encourage
“positive” thinking and behaviour, but moreso, we encourage Godly thinking and
behaviour. Don’t fall into the trap of encouraging “positivity” over trusting
God. Young people will often have tried "positive thinking" before they come to you.
10. Don’t be distracted by “doing”, to the point of disregarding
“being”. Often all that young people want is to be listened to. They want
someone to understand. We may not understand, but we know that Jesus does. Sitting
silently with someone can be one of the most effective forms of care, yet we so
often want to give them all the answers, fix them or race in by changing the
subject. Listen, and show that you’re listening. Don’t be uncomfortable with
silence, but recognise that just being with and staying with a young person can
mean the world to them. Use the silence to pray for them or even take time to
offer to pray with the young person.
The question was once asked: "Does God love people who are crippled? If he does, why doesn't he heal them"
The
answer someone gave was: "We are all crippled in some way or another,
some are crippled emotionally, some physically, but all of us have a
crippling problem with our heart. Ultimately, God has taken action
against that because that is our biggest problem."
John 16:33
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
1 Corinthians 9:19, 23
For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them...
I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings.
Any thoughts or questions?
Sarah
