Youth ministry in the context of a Mental Illness

Youth groups are not void of people with a mental illness. If anything, statistics show that at least 14% of all young people will experience some mental health problem each year (Headspace). I believe that as youth leaders, God has given us a responsibility to not just care for kids who have it all together or who have great coping skills, but for those who find it extra hard to cope, or need that extra bit of encouragement and support. I believe that as youth leaders, we can do a better job and can better inform ourselves to assist teenagers in our youth groups who have mental health issues. You may have your own view of how mental illness fits in with spirituality, but these kids are facing some sort of difficulty and will look to you to support them and walk with them.

There exists a HUGE opportunity to show young people what God's grace looks like in the midst of suffering, but all too often we as youth leaders exchange it for the simple and ineffective "Just pray about it." I have sat with many young people for whom this strategy is often received with grace but is starkly missing the mark of what the young person is truly crying out for.

As a probationary psychologist with a lot of interest in young people and a heart that longs to follow Jesus and represent him well, I've come up with 10 tips for youth pastors/leaders when it comes to mentoring and being in relationships with teenagers with a mental illness.

      1.     Do not try to be the young person’s Saviour. You can’t be. Be as clear as you can with the young person about the fact that you are human, you make mistakes, you have some of your own struggles and that means that you can only help them so much. You will probably let them down at one stage or another, so you can't be their Saviour. Don't even try. Point them to Jesus as the one who will never fail them and the one that they can trust in and look to at any time, over and above you.

      2.     Find out about the mental illness that the young person is experiencing. Google it, or ten times better, search for a factsheet from the APS or APA. Find out what the symptoms are, how people experience the disorder/difficulty, and recognise the tendencies or behaviours associated with it. Whether it's depression, anxiety, bipolar or aspergers, there are so many resources out there that may help you to understand what the young person is experiencing.

      3.     Do not limit God by saying that mental illness isn’t something God can’t heal. Also, do not downplay the role of good quality psychotherapy for a young person’s mental health. God can heal anything. Sometimes he heals us by showing us where we have been deceived in the ways that we think. Don’t fall for the lie that psychology is a bad thing. Sure, there are some bad psychologists out there, but there are also some really good ones who can provide help. Psychologists are generally fantastic at helping us to look at our thinking and see how that impacts our behaviour. They can also really help us to process things that have happened in our lives. Your pastors should have lists of Christian psychologists or counsellors that you can recommend if you need to. God can heal, but often the healing of our minds is something that God does beautifully over a period of time.

      4.     Be genuine. Do not be fake with your young person. They will see straight through it. The thing that young people will appreciate most is genuine, real and authentic care, not fake, fast and ‘fixing’ care. They don’t want to be “fixed” by you, they just want to be loved, listened to and cared for. Share your story with them, be vulnerable and show them what walking with Jesus looks like, even through the darkest of places. If you’re considering just saying “pray, it’ll be ok”, think about whether prayer + psychological help or a practical form of support is necessary.

      5.     Be in contact with the child’s parents. Find out about how they are coping and how they would like you to support them and their child. Get on board with their care plan if they have one. Acknowledge the hard work of the parents and validate their efforts to care for their child. It’s tough for you, but it’s tougher for them! 

      6.     Learn not to take things personally. If you recognise a behaviour that is a symptom of the mental illness and it hurts you or seems like an attack on you (eg. they ignore you or speak harshly to you), recognise it for what it is, and attribute it to the deceptive thinking this person is experiencing. They may not recognise it, and their thinking will generally be very egocentric (young people are typically very self-centered, expect it), but try not to take it personally. Direct your anxiety or anger into prayer, and remember that your task is to love the young person and point them to Jesus.

      7.     Make sure you’re caring for yourself. Have your own mentor and make sure you debrief about anything you need to. Find the activities that are fun and relaxing for you and take the time to do them! Spend time on your own with God. He’s the reason why we put in all the effort that we do, and he gives us the grace to keep serving him. Always come back to his word and be refreshed by it. Jesus took time out to be alone with his Father, so we should too.

      8.     Don’t be afraid to challenge the young person. You don’t need to be harsh or reveal exactly what you’re thinking, but if you see irrationality in the way that they are thinking or behaving, gently reframe the situation in an attempt to show them a different way of thinking. Give them options in thinking. They don’t have to choose negativity, and they don’t have to choose what is habitual to them. What you need to do is give them options and set an example of healthy, Godly thinking. 

      9.    "Positive Thinking" is an inefficient strategy. Although generic “positivity” can be good, it does not compare with trusting in God wholeheartedly. After all, not every situation in life should be thought about positively, but rather, realistically. We encourage “positive” thinking and behaviour, but moreso, we encourage Godly thinking and behaviour. Don’t fall into the trap of encouraging “positivity” over trusting God. Young people will often have tried "positive thinking" before they come to you.

      10.   Don’t be distracted by “doing”, to the point of disregarding “being”. Often all that young people want is to be listened to. They want someone to understand. We may not understand, but we know that Jesus does. Sitting silently with someone can be one of the most effective forms of care, yet we so often want to give them all the answers, fix them or race in by changing the subject. Listen, and show that you’re listening. Don’t be uncomfortable with silence, but recognise that just being with and staying with a young person can mean the world to them. Use the silence to pray for them or even take time to offer to pray with the young person.

      The question was once asked: "Does God love people who are crippled? If he does, why doesn't he heal them"

      The answer someone gave was: "We are all crippled in some way or another, some are crippled emotionally, some physically, but all of us have a crippling problem with our heart. Ultimately, God has taken action against that because that is our biggest problem."

John 16:33

   I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

1 Corinthians 9:19, 23

For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them...

I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings.

      Any thoughts or questions?

      Sarah

Taking Responsibility

The notion of taking responsibility for my own actions often makes me grit my teeth. Despite the fact that in some situations I like being able to say, "I decided that," there are many things that I do that I would rather attribute to other people's influences or decisions than my own. There are many ways in which I could pass the buck of blame to other people to relieve myself of the frustration that comes with making poor decisions. There are many times whereby I would rather project my anger with regards to myself onto others in order to deflect it rather than come to terms with it. We hate disappointment. We hate making mistakes. But isn't it interesting that we have a will....

To think that I, a human being, have a will, as well as the means to carry it out through my behaviour, is actually a scary thought. I have the capacity to think, consider, respond, decide, and then act on whatever conclusion I come to about any particular situation I am faced with. Whether this is to eat or not to eat that delicious vanilla slice I see at work every day, to use my phone whilst I'm driving, or to raise my voice in anger when having a conversation with someone, I have the capacity to consider my behavioural response and decide on which I will undertake.

So often we allow this capacity to be taken away from us for several reasons.
We've been unfairly treated and therefore we have the right to respond in any way we see fit.
It's just the way we have always been, so why would it be different?
It's the natural or easy thing for our bodies to do. We just went with it.
I was just doing what I was taught or modelled.

However, within all of these tendencies, there is a failure to acknowledge the role of our will, and to take responsibility for our own actions that WE carry out. We love to take responsibility for the things we are proud of, but how often do we find ourselves saying, "In that moment, I was the one who made that decision that I shouldn't have"? How often do we admit to doing the wrong thing?

This is not to say that we are never shaped by things or influenced by things. I am talking about the moments when the rubber hits the road and we are the ones driving the car, nobody else. We have choices laid before us and we take the wrong road and wind up with the nasty aftermath. Despite what we've been taught, modelled, what has been done against us, or anything else, we are the ones who make the decisions, and we are the ones who have to accept responsibility for our actions, even the horrible ones. No matter how pleasurable an experience is, are we then happy to own the consequences of the choice to undertake it? (Again, I'm talking about situations in which we do have a choice).

I could spend all day talking about how I have been wronged in the past, and how that has contributed to my behavioural tendencies. However, at the end of the day we've all got those excuses and we get nowhere with our big ball of blame that we conjure up. I could spend all day talking about how "This is who I am, I've always been this way," yet fail to acknowledge that my behaviours consistently result in poor consequences. And yes, I could talk all day about what my body says it should do (or not do, for that matter), but last time I checked, it wasn't particularly reliable when it comes to cravings of whatever kind.

I have noticed that we hate taking responsibility for our decisions - only when we're not pleased with them. It is so easy to blame it on other people when we fly off the handle. It is so easy to reel off a list of reasons why we didn't follow through on that promise we made. It is so easy to neglect responsibility, often because we hate ourselves for it, and wish we could do better.

This is so challenging for me as I write this. The next time I'm stuck with an unpleasant consequence, I pray that I will acknowledge the possibility that my decisions got me there. Nobody else forced me into it, I had the choice and made the wrong decision. The next time I fly off the handle at my sisters or my mum, I hope I quickly remember that I am not responsible for what they say and do, but for what I say and do, and therefore, I owe them an apology for losing it. The next time I get a parking fine, (or heck, 3 in one month...) although I am disappointed in myself, I have to come to terms with the fact that I made poor choices and need to live with the consequences of my actions. If I eat crap, I am responsible for the effect it has on my body. We make decisions, and they have outcomes! It's as simple, yet as complicated as that!

I pray that in reading this you've been reminded of the will that you have been entrusted with (even right now in reading this!). I pray that rather than blame others or look for reasons why some things happen, in the situations whereby you can, you acknowledge that you have the capacity to make decisions and act on them, for your good and for the good of others. Take responsibility!

This is not to mention the role that the will has in where we place our thoughts.. But that's a blog for another time...

A timely reminder.

I'm writing this blog today not only to whoever is reading, but mostly to myself. I need to you to know something today.

The God that I serve is no small God.

Psalm 121:2 - My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

Yet he has not forgotten us.

Isaiah 49:15 - See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.

He is always thinking about us.

Psalm 139:17 - How amazing are your thoughts concerning me, God! How vast is the sum of them!

He is always concerned with what we care about.

1 Peter 5:7 - Cast all your anxiety upon him, because he cares for you.

He has given us hope.

Revelation 21:4 - He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

He has given us life.

John 10:10 - I have come that you may have life in all its fullness.

He has given us love.

1 John 4:10 - This is love. Not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

He has given us freedom.

Galatians 5:1 - It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.

He knows very well what suffering is.

Isaiah 53:3 - He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.

He can be trusted.

Hebrews 10:23 - Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

He will never leave us.

Matthew 28:20 - Surely I am always with you, even until the very end of the age.

Our God is not far off, although it may feel like it at times. He is so near. And even in times of great sadness and despair, our God will carry us, and he will be our light. Micah 7:8 - Do not gloat over me, my enemy! For though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.



"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.

The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell." - CS Lewis.

Although life presents us with pain and sorrow and grief and despair, we only see a glimpse of God's greater plan. He is over and above everything. He is sovereign, he is mighty and he is strong enough to carry us and everything we're facing. "Greater is he who is in you than he who is in the world." - 1 John 4:4.

He wants our everything, and not just when we feel like it.

"All of my life, in every season, you are still God. I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship."

Lastly, instead of be overcome by crippling fear, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." - Phillipans 4:6-7

Beautiful Things.

Tonight I shared my story with a bunch of people. Details and all. I feel quite transparent right now, actually like those people can now see right through me. But I don't do it for me, because obviously there's no fun in that, it's just painful and uncomfortable! I do it all for the glory of God. That out of my mess, he might draw people to himself and heal them just as he has healed me. I do it with a thankful heart.

This song says it all, and has appeared at just the right time.

Beautiful Things - Gungor

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You can listen to it here.

Psalm 40:1-3 - I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.

Praise God for all that he has done. It is well with my soul!

Sarah.

Get uncomfortable.

There are several places that I could list of which I'd rather not visit. Off the top of my head, some of the more noticeable of these would probably be prisons, a sewerage system or the site of an earthquake, for example. A little closer to home, how about a hospital? Your local bar? A nightclub? An old people's home?


In life, there are many experiences that make us uncomfortable, uneasy and even a little bit fearful. Often, we'd rather just avoid these situations. It's in our nature to either 'fight' or 'flee' from situations that present a threat to us in some way. To take it one step further, any experience that requires a little more effort, energy or trust than we'd be happy to give, we all too often tend to throw our hats in and walk away. It's too hard. I can't do it. I don't want to do it. I don't have to do it. I don't have the time or energy to do it. There's too much going on anyway.


As a Christian, (and also because of my Psychology interests) I find myself constantly reflecting on my behaviour; my words, my actions, and whether the two line up. I'm not responsible for anyone else's behaviour, but I do know that if I seek to become more like Jesus in his character, I need to continually think about this stuff. It has become my aim in life to "get uncomfortable" with where I am currently at, and to constantly (though often slowly) move forward into who God would have me be. This means stepping into situations that I may find uncomfortable, to shed a bit of God's light.


I have recently had my eyes opened with regard to the experiences of the broken, isolated and lonely. I have seen the consequences of broken promises, and feel a responsibility to listen and act on the voice of Jesus in these situations. Just by simply taking a minute to stop, I'm sure that we could bring to mind several people we know who would love some company, some new clothes, a meal, a visit, a conversation or a shoulder to cry on. And if you can't think of any people like that in your life, then I urge you, get out of your comfort zone. The gospel is the GOOD news, is it not? Let's get out of our comfort zones and show it.


Do you call yourself a Christian? Great. Then show it. Matt 7:16 - "You will know them by their fruits." It is very simple.


Romans 15:1-2 - "We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please our neighbours for their good, to build them up."
Phil 2:3-4 - "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.
Mark 12:29-31 - "'The most important commandment,' answered Jesus, 'is this:.. Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbour as you love yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.'"


This one hits the nail on the head...
Matt 25:37-40 - "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'"


Wake up! There are other people out there in desperate need of a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, a Saviour! Let us not become so self-centred that we forget that there are so many ways that we could make better use of our time and energy. I write this blog only to spur you on as well.


Here is one thing I have noted about people living in isolation. Stick to your promises, or don't make them in the first place. We're blinded if we think we can make promises to people, forget about them and then hope that the person we made them to has also forgotten. This is never the case. At least be realistic about the promises that you make. We are representing Christ, and as much as we make mistakes and aren't perfect, we "are the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing." (2 Cor 2:14). We have a responsibility. He has given to us the message of reconciliation. The real, perfect Saviour: Jesus. The world needs the love and mercy of Jesus.


I implore you, find the need and meet it in Jesus name. At this time, I remember the words of Jesus himself, and his task on earth:

Luke 4:18
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour."

It is my prayer that this might be my task as well, and that my life would point to Jesus. Not just through my words, but that my actions would speak louder than any promise I ever make to anyone.

Sarah

Deceived.

I was probably one of the last girls my age to hear about '50 Shades of Grey': a new erotica written by E. L. James. I'm aware that many of my friends have read or are currently reading this book along with the two others in its series. Though there is much to be said about the themes in the novel (abuse, to name one) and the interesting relationship that is had between 21 year old Anastasia and 27 year old Christian Grey (whom many of my friends claim to be 'captivated' by), this blog post is not about these things. I have not read the book, but I've heard enough about it to know that it's finally time for me to say something.


I'm talking to Christian girls. Women of God. I have no idea if you've read this book or not, but that's hardly the point. In this post, I want to address the fact that all too often, as Christian women, we are very quick to ask our fellow brothers in Christ to work on their addictions to porn in its various forms. However, if only we were as quick to 'look at the plank in your own eye' (Matt 7:3-5) we would discover that porn is just as accessible and dangerous for us as it is for them.


It may come in different forms, but it still exists. We may not walk in to a petrol station and see it, we may not spend the night surfing the internet for it, but we will surely watch movies, tv shows, read books and refrain from identifying anything that WE need to work on. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a chick flick, I'm simply asking, are you willing to put in just as much effort as your male Christian mates would at eradicating opportunities to get sucked in to sin?


Don't forget that in the story of the Fall (Genesis 3), although Adam didn't speak up to keep his wife from sinning, Eve was selfish, and was deceived by the snake. I hear about some great sermons these days directed at guys, and how they need to be better men and stand up so that their wives don't fall into sin while they stay silent, as Adam did. But here's a different message, girls. Regardless of what Adam did or did not do, Eve chose to sin against God. She chose to take matters into her own hands.


Let me ask you today. When was the last time you checked your motives in watching a romantic movie? When was the last time you checked your motives in reading a romantic novel? When was the last time you passed off watching a specific tv show even if it's "just winding down" or "just for fun"?


Let's get specific. I'm talking about True Blood. I'm talking about the new movie coming out - 'Magic Mike' - about male strippers. I'm talking about 50 Shades of Grey. I'm talking about looking at pictures of actors or singers on the internet. I'm talking about Greys Anatomy. Ask yourself: "Why am I watching this?" "Does God want me to be watching this?"


Our actions have implications. Not just for us, but for the guys in our lives. How do you think they feel when we don't make the effort to stop looking every time a guy takes his shirt off in a movie or on tv? Let's not be stupid, this stuff is real. Just as we would feel inadequate, unworthy and unappreciated if we knew a guy we loved was looking at porn, what about when our more 'subtle' forms of eye candy make them feel like dirt? On top of their struggles with porn, we leave guys feeling inadequate. From conversations with male mates in my life, their number one struggle is with feeling adequate. They just want to be enough for us. They want to be man enough for us. How will they ever overcome feelings of inadequacy (I'm talking about practical things here, not in terms of inadequacy in sinning - we must always point them back to Christ with that) if we can't also step up to the plate and say no to sin in our lives.


First and foremost though, when we pass this stuff off as ok to watch, read, see or hear, we're sinning against God. Girls, I urge you, don't forget what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:12-20, that "I have the right to do anything, but not everything is beneficial. I have the right to do anything - but I will not be mastered by anything," "your bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit" and "You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your bodies." That includes our eyes!
Romans 6:2 - "What shall we say then? Shall we go on sinning that grace may increase? By no means. We died to sin. How can we live in it any longer?"
2 Corinthians 3:18 - "We all, who with unveiled faced contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."


If you know you struggle with this stuff, but can't seem to eradicate it from your life, here are some ideas.

• Talk to someone about it. Get it out in the open. Just as guys will say, porn is a silent killer. With the further understanding that women's forms of porn are more subtle and silent, you may very well be the first person to ever bring it up.
• If you have a partner, talk to them about it. It is SO important that these struggles are known and worked on! If you're scared to talk about it now, it'll only result in a huge mess later on.
• Ask God to convict you of the things he wants you to get rid of. He will, trust me.
• Practice saying no to watching things or seeing things.
• Practice turning your eyes away from things.
• Don't pretend like you're perfect in this area. We're all flawed and if we ask, God can show us what we need to work on if we're blinded to it.

If you're not a Christian and you're reading this, that's awesome. Many people might say to me, "you're just missing out on a whole lot of hotness by not watching this," or whatever. But I'd rather gauge out the sin in my life right now if it means eternity with Jesus in heaven. I'd also rather put my boyfriend before myself now so that when we're married, that translates into a healthy, Godly marriage together later on. I'd rather think of what builds him up than what builds me up.

Thanks be to God for his grace in everything. We're not perfect and yes, we will stumble. But I'm a fighter, and I hope you are too. Here's to getting back up and trying again.


Set the standard, and know why you've chosen it.


Sarah

Questions.

How do you step into something when you know that stepping into it will leave you inevitably out of control and completely dependent?


How do you step into something when you know that stepping into it means that you're taking two steps backwards to move forwards?


How do you walk forward when you can't see what is ahead? How do you know it's safe? How do you know you'll come out the other side ok?


The only answer I have is; Trust.