The notion of taking responsibility for my own actions often makes me grit my teeth. Despite the fact that in some situations I like being able to say, "I decided that," there are many things that I do that I would rather attribute to other people's influences or decisions than my own. There are many ways in which I could pass the buck of blame to other people to relieve myself of the frustration that comes with making poor decisions. There are many times whereby I would rather project my anger with regards to myself onto others in order to deflect it rather than come to terms with it. We hate disappointment. We hate making mistakes. But isn't it interesting that we have a will....
To think that I, a human being, have a will, as well as the means to carry it out through my behaviour, is actually a scary thought. I have the capacity to think, consider, respond, decide, and then act on whatever conclusion I come to about any particular situation I am faced with. Whether this is to eat or not to eat that delicious vanilla slice I see at work every day, to use my phone whilst I'm driving, or to raise my voice in anger when having a conversation with someone, I have the capacity to consider my behavioural response and decide on which I will undertake.
So often we allow this capacity to be taken away from us for several reasons.
We've been unfairly treated and therefore we have the right to respond in any way we see fit.
It's just the way we have always been, so why would it be different?
It's the natural or easy thing for our bodies to do. We just went with it.
I was just doing what I was taught or modelled.
However, within all of these tendencies, there is a failure to acknowledge the role of our will, and to take responsibility for our own actions that WE carry out. We love to take responsibility for the things we are proud of, but how often do we find ourselves saying, "In that moment, I was the one who made that decision that I shouldn't have"? How often do we admit to doing the wrong thing?
This is not to say that we are never shaped by things or influenced by things. I am talking about the moments when the rubber hits the road and we are the ones driving the car, nobody else. We have choices laid before us and we take the wrong road and wind up with the nasty aftermath. Despite what we've been taught, modelled, what has been done against us, or anything else, we are the ones who make the decisions, and we are the ones who have to accept responsibility for our actions, even the horrible ones. No matter how pleasurable an experience is, are we then happy to own the consequences of the choice to undertake it? (Again, I'm talking about situations in which we do have a choice).
I could spend all day talking about how I have been wronged in the past, and how that has contributed to my behavioural tendencies. However, at the end of the day we've all got those excuses and we get nowhere with our big ball of blame that we conjure up. I could spend all day talking about how "This is who I am, I've always been this way," yet fail to acknowledge that my behaviours consistently result in poor consequences. And yes, I could talk all day about what my body says it should do (or not do, for that matter), but last time I checked, it wasn't particularly reliable when it comes to cravings of whatever kind.
I have noticed that we hate taking responsibility for our decisions - only when we're not pleased with them. It is so easy to blame it on other people when we fly off the handle. It is so easy to reel off a list of reasons why we didn't follow through on that promise we made. It is so easy to neglect responsibility, often because we hate ourselves for it, and wish we could do better.
This is so challenging for me as I write this. The next time I'm stuck with an unpleasant consequence, I pray that I will acknowledge the possibility that my decisions got me there. Nobody else forced me into it, I had the choice and made the wrong decision. The next time I fly off the handle at my sisters or my mum, I hope I quickly remember that I am not responsible for what they say and do, but for what I say and do, and therefore, I owe them an apology for losing it. The next time I get a parking fine, (or heck, 3 in one month...) although I am disappointed in myself, I have to come to terms with the fact that I made poor choices and need to live with the consequences of my actions. If I eat crap, I am responsible for the effect it has on my body. We make decisions, and they have outcomes! It's as simple, yet as complicated as that!
I pray that in reading this you've been reminded of the will that you have been entrusted with (even right now in reading this!). I pray that rather than blame others or look for reasons why some things happen, in the situations whereby you can, you acknowledge that you have the capacity to make decisions and act on them, for your good and for the good of others. Take responsibility!
This is not to mention the role that the will has in where we place our thoughts.. But that's a blog for another time...
